Writing
A month late on the New Year’s Resolution, but hey, nobody’s perfect.
Oh yeah. That’s right. You can reread that title up there. Yes sir. As the Greatest Showman once proclaimed, “It starts tonight!”
I actually read somewhere that you can get sued as a writer for quoting song lyrics. Is that true? My most popular post on Medium has like twenty song lyrics so I should probably look into that.
Hey Emme, stay on task! They clicked because you were talking about the novel.
Oh right. The novel. Ahhhh, let me roll up my sleeves and explain how this sure-to-be-a-disaster came to be. . .
The Moment The Idea Struck
All aspiring writers dream of seeing…
Holiday Humor
Alright, alright, alright.
December sucks. There I said it.
I mean, I like it. The magic that I create. The food that I cook. The family time that I coordinate. The gifts that I buy, wrap, hide, and return.
December was WAY more fun as a kid.
Because damn, there’s a lot of shit to do as an adult.
However, the Christmas card chore is never a dreaded one. Oh no, I make card addressing night a fucking event. I blast Christmas music to annoy my Jewish husband and grab a glass of wine, with a heavy pour. Just kidding. I polish off…
KICKERS LOOK COOL
It’s already exploding with one follower and like five views.
I started my own publication yesterday. On a whim. Just like that. Snap. Ping. Poof.
It was actually pretty fun. I’ve read all the articles about why you should start your own publication. And why you shouldn’t. But why you should. Shouldn’t. Should.
If that last paragraph made sense to you, you’ve read them too.
Why I Started a Publication
It was very impulsive, like most bad decisions are. But this one feels good. For now. I’ll probably lose steam and forget about it by February and leave it to die like I do with my most of my dreams, fitness apps, and house plants.
…
Humor/Writing Advice
Jot down ideas as soon as they pop up. Or wave them good-bye forever.
They say all great ideas are jotted down on cocktail napkins. Or on crumpled-up pieces of scrap paper plucked out of the trash.
J.K Rowling apparently wrote an idea on an airplane barf bag. Was it empty? That’s not the point.
One idea. Just that one idea. If not recorded would flutter out of the mind never to return. Peace, see ya.
Sometimes the idea returns. But it’s not the same. It’s never in that perfection, never in that exact moment of brilliance.
This shit happens to me daily. I have an ah-ha moment. The next viral article. The next…
Chrissy Teigen and Meghan Markle’s miscarriages are allowing women to open up about their losses. Here is my story.
It was just a choice. It was my right. It was legal and safe. Women do it every day. Easy peasy.
Yet, it landed me in the darkest, most unexpected, despair I’ve ever known.
I had never really thought about whether I considered myself pro-life or pro-choice. I didn’t judge women either way. I could see both sides. I was just thankful that I had made it through high school and college without having to make that decision.
Then, there I was. In my 20’s. Staring at the two lines. Well, wait, one line is very faint. Maybe I’m not…
Humor
But hey. . . you never know unless you try.
A Job Interview
Prospective Employer: Hi Emme. Thank you for coming. (Extends hand).
Me: (steps back, skeptical) Wait, is this a greeting or a hook-up?*
Prospective Employer: Well, uh (takes hand away) umm, it was a greeting. (checks iPhone for no reason) Anyway, please take a seat (gestures toward chair). So, before we get into details about the position, I must ask you if you’re employed anywhere else currently.
Me: Well, my husband pays me for sex.*
Prospective Employer: Oh. Okay. Wow. Um, that’s not exactly what I was asking, but great. That’s just — great. Poor guy. Moving on. …
When I bumped into my ex-fiancé at a supermarket.
I was grateful for the mask today when I bumped into you.
“It’s been a while, Beckett. How have you been?” you asked.
Knowing instantly, intimately, who the voice belonged to, I twisted my head in your direction.
Those eyes.
Those eyes told me you were smiling. So was I.
“I’ve been okay. Great. Really great. Just looking for capers for a recipe,” I said. Why did I just say that?
Could you feel my nerves? The mask absorbed my deep exhale.
I straightened my legs to stand from the squat I was in. Two jars in my hands. You…
An essay of self-reflection after my parenting style was under attack.
The Conversation
Driving my minivan down the highway, I overheard my ten-year-old son and his two teammates nervously chatting about the upcoming game.
I remained quiet. I always do. Driving carpool delivers invaluable parental insight.
“They’re going to kill us!” Chris said while picking a loose string from the hem of his jersey.
I’ll rip that string off for him before the game begins. It will distract him.
“I heard they beat Millersville 60–4. We’re going to get demolished,” Jack said, tapping his fingers anxiously against the basketball on his lap.
Have a little confidence, guys! Play your hardest and have fun.
…
Here’s What I Learned
I went on vacation in late July. I brought my laptop, as most writers would. From my splintered balcony, I could hear waves crashing as the humid sea breeze dampened the pages in my notebook.
Quiet. Serene. Peaceful.
But, I wrote nothing. Surprise. Surprise. My ability to disappoint myself is one of my strong suits.
It’s what began my impromptu month-long sabbatical from Medium.
What began as a deserved week pass turned into a month-long cleanse. But, I’m back. And here’s what I learned:
Nobody Cares
Yeah, it’s true. The only thing that truly suffered was my Stripe account. I love the…
